My Loathe ( sequel to "His Face <3<3" )

I cant STAND looking you in the eye. Seeing your face everywhere is just one of those things that kill me! At night, when i look at the moon, instead of seeing the face of the old man, i see yours. At day, when i look at the clouds, instead of seeing small forest animals, i see your name. Why was it that this had to end? I still love you, and you still love me. With all this passion for each other, why forbade it? Oh, thats right, its not a choice. If we could, would you still want to be with me? If only i hadnt asked for you to do me that one favor. If only i could hold you in my arms again. When i sleep, i wake within seconds. I always dreamt of you until that one night. Now, i cant dream, i only shiver awkwardly in the notice of your absence. Its been a while now, but still, whenever i see a happy couple sharing their love in the parks, or enjoying the time they have at a party, i loathe myself. This whole situation is my fault. I knew you were not well, but i sent you off anyway. Until the day i can see your face again, i will never hold another man in my arms that isnt you. You may get mad at me for doing so, and attempt to let Fate intertwine my thread with somebody else's. But i'll keep unknotting myself if i cant come to a conclusion that you were the one who sent this man into my life. One day, I will see you again if its the last thing i do. But of course, it will be the last thing i do, because no living person can lay their eyes upon your porcillean smooth skin. The skin that makes me lust for the smell of your musk again. The musk that makes me crazy to feel your hair again. The hair that makes me wish i could be with you again. Being with you is all i want to be able to do. It's my only life goal, but then again, its not a life goal. I hear a song on the raido and fall madly to the ground screaming and shouting. Its not fair! You shouldnt have been the one to go. It should have been me. After all, im the one who wanted to get that- Just the thought of it drives me to insomnia. I miss you. I love you. I loathe me. Nobody will miss me. All i wish for now, is to be in heaven with you. To be where we together can look over everybody instead of just you looking over me...